Finding your way (advice from someone who’s lost)

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening or Good Night to you all; depending on where you are are and when you are reading this.

The issue of not knowing what your doing or where you’re going in your life is an issue that effects a lot of people. Inlcuding me of course. Hence why I’m writing about all of this.

I have been lost most of my life, but I’m sure thats the point. Youre supposed to find yourself throughout the course of your life. And thats fine.

But over the year or so things have gotten really rough. I have found it hard to find what I want to do. And the older you get the more questions you get from family and friends about what you’re doing with you life.

And the answer is I really dont know. I just got a new job as a dental receptionist and thats cool but is it what I want to do? No.

The real frustration is not what I’m doing but the fact that I’m not doing anything to change it. Fair enough you’re in a situation, but that fact that you’re not doing anything to change it is what makes me really depressed.

I know I’m amazing and everything and I know that I have the ability and resources to become whoever I want to be. But somehow I’m still here. I’m at A and I want to get B but I dont know how. Theres no bus, no train and no Uber that will get me to my goals. I can get help from family, friends, strangers but at the end of the day, I have to do it by myself.

Finding my way in life has to be the hardest task I have ever had to face. I’m still figuring it all out and hopefully one day, I can write a post from my lounge chair,in my amazing house, with my amazing family of 10 hot husbands and say to you that I finally did it.

But for now all I can is chat nonsense and be lost with you.

Heres the nonsense:

  • Set goals. Take baby steps to get to your targets. You gotta start somewhere and the good thing about being at rock bottom is, the only way is up. Step 1…!
  • Don’t let it all get you down. Dont panic about all the things you have or want to do. Stressing about life isnt going to make it any better. Remember its about the journey. Work smart not hard and have fun.
  • Get advice. Family, friends, random strangers. Its good to listen to other peoples stories, it actually is interesting. And you can learn a little something from listening to other peoples experiences. You dont have to do what anyone says, but taking something from what they said can help you with building your own chapters in the story we call life.
  • Accept that somethings are not meant to be. Dont get caught up on relationships or things that have no real prevalance on making you a better person. Remember, you are lost, you are trying to find your way and getting caught up with distractions from that goal isnt going to help you in anyway.
  • Be selfish and focus on yourself. You dont have to stop caring about other people, but please remember that everyone is on their own journey and sometimes its best to just focus on yourself and follow a path right out of the dark forrest. (What I like to call depression)
  • Praise yourself for any achievement. Dont beat yourself up too much. Yes, you’re not happy, but there must be something you have done, that wasn’t completly self destructive. Be proud of that. Be your own cheerleader.
  • Look forward to the future. Make a list of all the things you want to achieve before you die. Where do you want to go? Go there and do it. The thought of doing something that makes you happy or achieving a goal can make the process much easier. Imagine yourself leaving the forrest and walking into the light. And its motivational.

…and I’m done. Hopefully I will see you on the other side.

Be happy my loves and until next time.

Stay blessed.

Coping Mechanisms (in no particular order)

Interpret these as you will.

Breath

Cry

Sleep

Shout

Swear

Get shit done

Smoke some green

Be alone

Surround yourself with nature

Go for a walk

Get lost

Go look for something

Clean your room

Do something new

Have a bath

Listen to music (Tame Impala)

Delete/change the negative

Continue the positive

Talk to yourself

Talk to others

Be silent

Make a plan

Break something

Fix something

Dance

Keep the balance

Make dreams come true

My 2017 Goals

It’s the first day of 2017 and I’m thinking how am I going to make this year different to 2016; because we all know it was a rough one. So #newyearnewme right?

  • Make money (This is a must.)
  • Turn this blog into a brand. (How am I going to do that? Wait and find out.)
  • Host events for my people dem (connecting with like minded people)
  • Finish my Black beauty documentary.
  • Get fit (I know everyone says this, but yeah…)
  • Be even more of a carefree black girl
  • Travel
  • Allow myself to make myself happy
  • Stop the profanity
  • Get un-addicted to sugar and meat (I am utterly obsessed with chicken shops and anything that high amounts of sugar in. Basically if it’s going to give me diabetes, I must have it.)

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So what can I do make sure this year better?

  • Get over my social anxiety: I have a problem with people. Which is stupid for a journalist and blogger. I am going to make a conscious effort to introduce myself to like minded people and build and all of that social stuff that I fear.
  • Have some self-control: If I want it, I’m getting it. Which seems like a good thing, but this rule applies to food, men, sleep. If I fancy food, I am going to make it, instead of going out and spending £2o+ on spring rolls.
  • Stop all this procrastination: We all know I am a victim of this. When it comes to uni work, editing, blogging, even cleaning the house, I find myself struggling to concentrate. I will tell myself to do something at 1 pm, next thing you know, I look up and my phone is in my hand and it’s 6.

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  • Spend more time with the people I love: Family over everything. And of course myself, because I love myself. Don’t forget to say hello to yourself sometimes, the Goddess needs some attention.
  • Travel: I am promising myself to visit at least three countries this year, that I haven’t been to before. And obviously go back home to Barbados. I am going to do this all by myself. Yes I will be travelling by myself. My soul just needs this right now. I need time to clear my mind and think, so why not do that in a different location. So I think its going to be at least one African country and one Asian one. It’s been so long since I’ve looked up and seen the stars or felt sand between my toes.

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  • And last but not least…. I am going to make sure that I am happy. My health, sanity, and happiness are the most important things to me this year. I need to be at the top of my game, in order to actually do anything. Sounds selfish, but I really do not care. Me and my happiness comes first.

So what are your 2017 goals ladies? Let me know below.

Until next time,

Stay blessed Queen.

Can you be Pro black and celebrate Christmas?

I am currently at my grandparents house, after having dinner. We’re at the point where everyone is bored and trying to find something to do. The turkey has been eaten, the presents have been opened and now I’m here thinking about how Christmas and me have grown apart over the years. Now I don’t want to ruin anyone’s fun today, but as I said before, I don’t want this to be the type of blog that gives a damn. I want this to be a blog that makes you think, makes you either angry or sad or happy, makes you feel some type of way. Thought is the first step, if you’re thinking that means you’re using your head, making you one step closer to not being a brain dead sheep.

So now think. Can you be ‘Pro-black’ and celebrate Christmas?

Well, I can tell you my opinion. I personally think European/ Western holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween etc.) are like poison to the African mind. But the first question we need to ask is what really is ‘pro-back’? I think we all like to consider ourselves to be so called pro black, because if you’re not it some what insinuates that you don’t care for black people. However the whole pro-black movement (in my opinion) has become a bunch of bull. Its like a GMO form of what I imagined the pro black movement would be like. You’ve got girls all naked on Instagram using the hashtag #woke and the whole ‘black lives matter’ movement is funded by George Soros (Democrat and bff with the Rothschild family. GOOGLE IT.) Let me stop I talked about this in my other post. https://feedthequeen.com/2016/09/29/my-problem-with-the-so-called-consciouscommunity/ Watch this vid of brother Polight, its very interesting.

Now back to the topic at hand. Th second question we need to ask ourselves is what is the true meaning of Christmas? Well if you consider yourself to be a Christian, you celebrate the holiday called Christmas. Where billions of people cerebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. We all know the story, so there is no point going on. Now Christmas in 2016 is just materialistic and silly, a lot of people don’t even go to church. I actually just watched the Pope making a speech to his followers, expressing the need for people to stop being so crazy when it comes to Christmas and go back to it’s original purpose. (Jesus’s birthday) So if you are a Christian, Christmas is something you’re going to recognise and celebrate.

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Type Black Christians in Google *interesting*

Your probably reading this thinking is this girl Christian? No, no I am not. I do not believe in Jesus Christ nor do I believe that he was born on the 25th of December. But as you know from earlier, I am here in my Christmas jumper, enjoying myself with the family. So am I a hypocrite? Maybe? So hold tight. I’m not going to use this post to bash Christians or anything like that. All I can say to my Christian friends and followers is that I love you, sit down, read your Bible, research the origins of Christianity. Research how black people became Christians and think for yourself. Remember I told you earlier to think, so think about your faith and how you as a black person fits into it. So am I atheist? Am I Muslim? Am I Jewish? Am I a devil worshipper?

Lol my religious beliefs are something that I will talk about in another post. I’m going to make this post short, because I have to get back to the family, but if I get a lot of replies on this I will definitely make a part two. The topic of religion is also something I want to talk more about. A lot of people are scared to address it, but you know me already, we are going to address it.

Moral of this post is… do what you want. I personally think that simply because your Christian doesn’t mean you don’t care about your people. Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Buddhists etc. can all be what we call ‘Pro-black’ (I use quotation marks, because the authenticity of the pro black movement is questionable.) Just be aware of what you are following, what you claim to be, what you do and how it affects people. I will leave the question of this post open to you. Debate between yourselves.

So until next time,

Stay Blessed Queens.

What’s your problem with the black man?

Now the word black is something that already strikes fear into the hearts of people. And the word man doesn’t exactly bring joy either. HA, sorry . But put both of those words together and you create society’s ultimate fear. Or it could be a complete turn on for some of us. Let me stop, the point is… ‘The Black Man’ is a topic that I keep finding myself talking about lately. Whether its’s in the news, with them being shot down in the street or chatting with friends about how they “ain’t shit”.  I don’t hear anything positive about our Kings, not from the media, not from black women, not even from myself.

So what’s your problem with the black man?

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Well I can tell you what my problem was…

So let’s start from the beginning. From the beginning, I mean, the start of my life and the history of black men in it. Well, it wasn’t a very good start. The demon most would call my father, did not do very much fathering when I was a child. So I grew up in a household full of amazingly strong black women. My mother, my grandmother, all my aunties and even my cousins. Which sounds amazing, but that means I also grew up with very little male influence in my life.(Apart from my grandfather) I always thought that this was fine, that you don’t really need a father to grow up and live a good life. Which is true to a certain point. I have lived a good life, all of my family, especially my grandparents, jumped in to help raise me and support my mother. But, we’re left with one thing… ‘Daddy Issues’.

This is something I never thought existed until I got older, until recently. So long story short, daddy issues effects little girls who grew up without a father. (not all, but some) They have this need to be loved and accepted by a man. It simply stems back to them not getting any male attention as a child. Now your 21 and any man that shows you any type of interest is an instant husband. (in your mind)

So that’s number one. My father was the first black man in my life to let me down. But we’re not done. Oh no, there is more. So fast forward 16+ years and I meet my ex. WHO IS NOT BLACK. I REPEAT HE IS NOT BLACK. The little topic of interracial relationships is something I will address in another post, but for now bear in mind that my ex is Asian. And for almost 4 years, I considered myself to be happy with him, as I cussed black men for being too dark and having nappy hair. Crazy to think, right? I remember thinking that I would never date a black man, that dark skin guys were ugly and that all black men were a waste of space anyway. Which is really really sad, because no one ever taught me that. My mother never cussed my father, I never was never DIRECTLY told to not like black men. It was just something that formed. (I’m going to talk about how the media formed these ideas later)

…. actually hold up…..

  • Growing up and your parents told you not to date Nigerian or Jamaican men.
  • “Make sure you marry a man with good hair, so you don’t have to struggle with your kids.”
  • “No dark skin guys, cause the babies need to be pretty.”

OMG. I just realised these were all things I was told by the female members of my family as a child. WOW that is sad. Little do my aunties know that dark skin West African guys are life. 😉

So we are being force feed this from a very early age. And all this nonsense stems right back to slavery and the good ole ‘plantation mentality’ (The mentality left behind after slavery, lots of black people have it)

Anyway, guessing from the term ex, you already know things did not work out. So now we’ve reached the part where I’m single and ready to mingle. And literally every man I have met or went on a date since then has been black. And guess what…… drum-roll please. Every single one of those men have disappointed me in some way. Because of my so called ‘Daddy Issues’ I jumped right into the burning pit we all know as fuckboy land. Big mistake. Now we’re at 21 years later in and every man I have ever encountered, black or not, has let me down. So you can my animosity towards the male sex and in particular towards black men. This actually has nothing to do with black men, but the type of men that I am attracting. BUT… all is not lost. I took someones advise and have started emitting the type of energy I want to receive. I’ve started socialising with like minded people. I’ve even made friends with some members of the male sex… lol which is possible. (and is up for debate)

So before I get ripped apart by the internet and the whole of black twitter. Black men are the most magical creatures on earth, I can bear witness to that. This whole, “niggas ain’t shit”, is silly. (even though we use this phrase as banter sometimes) Until recently,  I have yet to really see how amazing black men are. It’s a shame that  some girls are growing up thinking black men are not for them. And actually, some young boys growing up thinking the same about black women. It works both ways.

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So before I end this, I want to talk about the media’s role in the portrayal of the black man. The media, as we know is a scary, dark and misleading place. And that’s just for white people. So when it comes to black men the media can really rip into them. It’s in everything, film, music, advertisement. Everywhere we look the black male is portrayed in such a negative way. From gangsters, to deadbeat dads, unfaithful husbands and miserable old men. There is no real accurate representation of our men in the media. Don’t get me wrong all of those types of men exist, but there is so much more to us. We are artists, lovers, filmmakers, dancers, healers, inventors and everything else under the sun. But yet this isn’t shown enough.

The media plays a big role in our lives, whether we recognise it or not. So if it’s not portraying us right, paired with the fact that we are poorly educated, what we get is a nation of black people not liking themselves and not liking each other. People have a problem with black men and don’t even know it. (or maybe they do)

Let me know if you get what I’m saying in the comments below. I feel like I get what I’m saying, in my head, but reading it is another story all together. Nate Parker’s opinions on this are pretty interesting… have a look.

 

I simply wanted to write this post, because I’ve been hearing a lot of negative things about our brothers lately. (more than usual) And when I hear that hate come from black women it makes me sad, because I can relate.  But don’t worry guys, we haven’t abandoned you, we are here for you. But are you here for us? I will save that question for another post.

Till next time. Love, peace and blessings to our Kings.

Stay Blessed Queens.

My problem with the so called ‘Conscious’community

OK this post has been sitting in my drafts for quite a while. I was debating on whether to post this up or not, simply because people get salty over every little thing. But I don’t want this to be a blog that gives a damn. So…

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are different types of people that claim to be ‘conscious’. Having an Afro and wearing a dashiki does not make you conscious, my friend. Being woke is a state of mind, most of us haven’t even reached yet, including myself. My third eye isn’t even open, its just squinting a little.

Here we go.

The ‘I’m an activist, but I’m not actually active ‘ type
Living in London, means carnival takes place every year. This year I decided to go, because why not? So I text my friend from college, who I haven’t seen since Christmas. So not to make the story long, we get there and there is a group of people handing out leaflets. The leaflets were about London rapper (Dawood) David Robinson’s death; he was shot in late August, by what is thought to be a fellow rival. Basically the people at carnival, were simply raising awareness about his death and the lack of effort being put into the police investigation.

So as we walk past and one of the guys reaches out to hand a leaflet to my friend… ARE YOU READY? She says, “I’m good. I’m activist enough already.” And she just walks off to whine on some guy. OK, this is what I mean. How can you be activist enough already, what are you doing to help this? What have you done to make a difference? What the actual hell? These were all questions going through my head, so I just said nothing to her, took a leaflet and said thank you to the guy. And that day I learnt about the death of Dawood.

http://www.islingtongazette.co.uk/news/crime-court/town_hall_and_police_to_target_hate_crime_in_islington_after_latest_figures_revealed_1_4706463

The word activist, means to be actually doing something, hence the word active. Your supposed to be making a change or at least trying. And if you’re not doing something, just keep your mouth shut and don’t be smug about it. OMG. The nerve.

IF YOU ARE NOT ACTIVELY DOING ANYTHING TO HELP OR AID YOUR COMMUNITY (BLACK PEOPLE), THEN YOU ARE NOT AN ACTIVIST. It is as simple as that.

The ‘I’m think I’m so conscious, which makes me better than anyone’ type
Right another story. I went to a Pan African meeting in North London, a few months ago. It was basically a meeting, were different speakers from the Pan African Community in London, came and gave a few speeches. So I turn up in my skinny jeans and crop top, looking nervous and completely awkward. (If you don’t know already, I am socially awkward, so being in a room with strangers is a task for me) Everyone else are wearing hand woven hemp trousers and rocking every type of Ankh jewellery possible. Like we get it the Ankh is amazing, but having Ankh earrings, necklaces, rings, t shirt, socks, and everything else; makes it look like you’re trying a bit much. (no hate) But that’s my opinion. Anyway, the point of all this is, the people at that meeting, were so full of knowledge, so ‘woke’, that they had this sort of ‘snobby’ attitude about them. So, because they are so full of knowledge they are now somewhat better than our fellow brothers and sisters, that still thinks racism doesn’t exist.

And I get it, its annoying to hear a black guy say he doesn’t like black girls or say “All Lives Matter.” But when one of us says “Who is Marcus Garvey?” Don’t go, “Oh my God, your such a coon, slave, uncle tom.” Teach them, give them the knowledge you have acquired. Correct their ignorance, in a nice friendly,’ I actually want to help you’ way. You have to understand that we as black people are not taught about ourselves in school, we do not see ourselves represented accurately in the media, therefore most of us are naturally ignorant. We are sleeping. Which is why we call it woke, because some of us have woken up from the ignorance. So now we have to turn around a pass the knowledge on to our family, friends, coworkers and even strangers. DO NOT BE A SNOBBY KNOW IT ALL. Because I can tell you now, that all the people in that meeting, giving me funny looks, do not know everything. We are all on a journey of discovery, we are all learning. We are all on different steps, so don’t be a douche to someone who is on step one, when you’re only on step two.

OK let me stop ranting and move on.

The ‘I’m so depressed about the world, but I don’t do anything about it’ type
This is sort of like the first person, but not as smug. More like, super depressed about everything, because they have learnt so much about the world and realised that its against them. So going back to what I said earlier. When you acquire a little bit of knowledge, you wake up out of the coma most of us are in. You get out of the bed of ignorance, you look around and everyone else is still sleeping. You mother, your father, your friends. It can be really lonely and frustrating, because no matter how much you scream at them, they don’t wake up. Just like a coma, they have to come out of it themselves. Which is why I keep stressing to support black people, no matter how asleep they seem to be. This type of person, just sits there ranting, instead of again being active.

This particular paragraph is for a friend who falls into this category. He knows who he is. He is actually the person, who got me started on all of this. So thank you. But again, because of the vast library of knowledge in his brain, its forced him to be alone. But what he doesn’t know that instead of walking around and smoking all day, he can become a pillar of the people. Wait forget that, HE HAS become a teacher for not only me, but other sleeping people. He has the potential to be a leader.

The ‘#conscious and #woke in my bio, but I would never date a black woman cause they’re too loud’ type
AHHHH this is simply dig at my friend that I talked about in type 1. And to all the people that feel the need to put that they are conscious in their Instagram bio, but again do nothing to ACTIVELY change the world we live in.

Please do not get the impression, that I think I’m so amazing and all of that. I know what I am doing, I know what I supposed to be doing and I know how I’m going to do it. I am ACTIVELY making the effort to educate myself and the people around me. Hence this whole blog.

What I am saying here is just that there is that type of person, that says they are all for the people, but aren’t really. Just think to yourself, what makes me conscious? What does being conscious mean?

The ‘things have changed, its 2016’ type.
Do I really have to talk about this type of person. The ones that say they’re pro black, but are quick to jump and defend anyone who isn’t black. The ‘All Lives Matter’ person, the we are a free person, the its 2016 person, the we are all the same person.

If you have ever said those things, I have some bad news for you. What else is there to say?

So there we go. Are you really conscious? Or are you part of this whole internet craze with being ‘pro black’.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments below.

Stay blessed family.

What is a Queen?

Right let’s do this. I was putting this off because I was trying to find my own definition of what I think a Queen is. But yeah… I think I got it. First let’s see what the famous Google has to say about the definition of a Queen.

*love the way they use Queen Victoria as an positive example for a Queen and the name Monique ( a name popular amongst black women) as a negative one. Interesting.*

Anyway, my definition of a Queen is a little different. I agree that being a Queen is your right, whether you accept that or not. So as black women we ‘inherit the position’ as our birth right. Simply because we are that amazing. I agree that, just like chess, you as a black woman are the most powerful component in your family. And… must be protected by the rest of the ‘players’ e.g. your husband the king.

Now this is where it gets interesting, with the whole ‘unpleasantly superior’ part. Before I gained KOS (knowledge of self) I always imagined a Queen to be some old miserable white woman, who had the power to behead people. I’m guessing I got that from ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and other films. So the idea of being bossy and unpleasant comes from that, but being a Queen does not mean you have to be a condescending bitch. And trust me ladies, black women really don’t need to be getting called bitches anymore than we already are. Now there is a difference between reinforcing your dominance and just being petty. And I am the Queen of petty. ( this is something I’m working on ha) So for example there comes a time when a Queen must put her foot down, so maybe you have to punish your children. Or put someone in their place, or check someone’s privilege. This should not make you ‘unpleasantly superior’ or be labelled as the ‘angry black woman’, like most of us do.

And being a Queen doesn’t mean you can’t have flaws, as I said I have some stuff to work on. You can be both a masterpiece and a work of progress at the same time, its OK.

Now going back  to the definition of a Queen and the part about being the ruler of an ‘independent state’. So to be a queen, as told by Google, I have to own something or somewhere. As of now, I have not got that. Ultimate goals would be to be Queen of Zamunda, but I’ll start with finding my own place. My advise if anything to the ladies reading this, would be to make sure YOU own something. Create something for yourself that you can rightfully claim as yours. For example, my dream is to open my own business. Living in London as a natural, means you have to buy your Cantu Shea butter from the local Asian (Indian) man. This is something that irritates me and I will go into this in another post. But my dream would be to open a hair care chain of stores in London, that sells products for black women, sold by black women.This would be my independent state, my empire. So you understand me now, create and own something for yourself. This also goes into the idea of black power/economics, which yet again will be another post.

So what does it mean to be a Queen?

1. Being amazing (by which I mean believing you are. Confidence is key and do not allow anyone to tell or treat you any differently.)

2. Own your own shit (excuse my language, but that’s how I feel)

3. Work on your flaws (we all have them. Even me and I’m very near perfect *insert smug face*)

4. Respect your temple ( I almost forgot to talk about this)

*Respecting your temple… Simply means to look after your body. And I don’t mean by putting on lots of makeup (do that if you want.) Eat right, exercise, get to know your body. Wash your kitty and make sure she gets some loving. Actually I might dedicate a whole post to this topic. Just remember your body is your temple and you are the Goddess it was created for.*

5. Do what you want (Because as black women it doesn’t matter what we do, we always wrong.)

6. Be happy (not the fake happy. Put yourself first and TRY find true happiness)

7.Embrace your individuality

8. Lead by example ( Teach the little queens a lil something. I don’t think I’m fit to be a role model, but teaching little black girls that they are beautiful is something I can do.

9. Have your own opinion. (You don’t have to agree with someone because they are a woman or because they are black. Agree, disagree, speak up. Everything I’ve written on here is purely my HONEST opinion, you do not have to agree with what I say. Please by all means comment and if you care so much, go make your own blog. Be yourself.)

10. Support your King (When I say this I not only mean your man, but all black men, all black people. You do not need a King to be a Queen, but a nice chocolate brother at your side is always a plus. There is a difference between needing and wanting. Support him, love him and he will/should give you the same in return. Do not bash black men in front of people and say they ain’t nothing. I know they drive us crazy and we have a lot of work to do, but this is important.)

Right I think that is it. Comment below to let me know your opinions and thank you Queens.