Wifey material or nah?

Drum roll please… No… Ok. 😑 

Well I’m back and not with a bang. Apologies for the lack of content. I had uni work due, then I graduated and now I’m looking for a job. So life has been hectic. 

But we are back at it and now we’re going to talk about the idea of being ‘wifeable’. This is a topic that has been of great popularity lately. I feel like its all I’ve been talking about for the past few months. 

I can’t remember when or where it was, but I was sitting with my friend and she said, “I just want to be taken out for dinner.” And that made me think shitttttttttttttt… It would be nice to be taken out for dinner. Why don’t guys want to take me out for dinner? *has mental break down* “OMG GUYS DON’T WANT TO TAKE US OUT FOR DINNER!!!” 

My friend continued to say that she’s never been taken on a proper date. She has just met guys and then got into relationships with them straight away. They would move in and then she would become the nagging, “Why won’t you take me out for dinner”, girlfriend. She wanted to be taken out and actually experience the dating scene. Which is fair enough. Right?

Now I’ve been taken out on dates before and its really nice to be wined and dined. But what I’ve noticed recently is that guys don’t want to bother with whole dating thing, they just want to get straight to bed. 

So you’re there thinking “Duh”… “F!%kboys be F!%kboys!” “You’re attracting the wrong type of guy.” And yes true, all of the above are all certain possibilities as to why guys don’t want to take us out, but there seems to be a pattern. And plus, as the paranoid twit that I am, I began to wonder why I’m not the type of girl that guys look at and go, “I would like to take the woman to dinner.” 

Are there such men like that anymore? Or am I ‘NON-WIFEABLE’ *DUN DUN DUN* (Insert dramatic music for effect)

Yes I said it non wifeable. A term most ladies do not want to hear. A term that can break the hopes and dreams of a young simpleton such as myself. 

But what does it mean?

It means you’re nice, but not nice enough to take seriously. It means a guy will like you, but only for a week. It means, he’ll pick you up, but just to take you back to his place. And of course the is all at your allowance, but nevertheless depressing af. 

I always get the feeling that guys are like, “she’s alright, but she’s not worth the trouble.”  So the point of this is, why is this happening? Is it the way I carry myself? Is it how I dress? The way I speak? Or perhaps is it that I never wear a bra? Ricdulous…  Do men really judge you on such things?  Do I really look like the type of woman that just doesn’t mind going back to his for a good ole netflx and chill session? And if so how do I not look llike that type of woman? Questions. Questions.

No don’t get me wrong I’m not changing for no one, but I like the idea of discussing possible ‘flaws’ in my persona that would deter men from wanting anything more that the odd night with me. (I’m crazy I know)

So I created a list of what I think men look at when they meet women. Like a sort of checklist of things that men will look at and think, “nope she’s not worth more than a text every month saying wuup2.”

So here it is. Things you should or shouldn’t do to somehow get a man to take you seriously. (This is a list made up by myself, some friends and opinions of various men that I know.)

  • If you met on tinder, then he’s already planning on hitting and quitting. Tinder has gotten itself quite a reputation of being a breeding ground for easy hookups, which is fine if you’re down for it. But don’t be surprised when the hottie you match with, just wants you to come back to his, when his mums at work.
  • Some men have this idea that if you dress a certain way, then you must be a certain type of person. The classic example is, if you need help and you see someone dressed like a police officer, you’re going to run up to them and ask for help. If the person turns around and says, “no sorry, I’m not actually  a police officer”, You’re going to be pretty pissed off. Some men see woman’s attire as the same thing. Essentially in the mind of some, if you dress like a hoe, you a hoe. I could go on all day about how stupid that theory is, but I’m not going too. Apparently me not wearing a bra causes some problems. *rolls eyes* 

  • If you are too independant. Crazy I know, but again some men think… She can take her own self out to dinner. They think it’s about money and it’s not. I just want to be taken out for a meal and all of that good dating stuff. I can pay for my half. 
  • If you do anything that is considered masculine or something a man would do. E.g. smoking, drinking from the bottle, swearing, being too laid back or “chill. In short: not “ladylike”.

  •  And of course the big one… Sex. Giving up the puntang on the first date was top on the list. For obvious reasons. Some men think you’re too easy, they got what they wanted and now they don’t have to bother.  Like OK sex is great. Staying at home, cuddled up is great. But sometimes it’s nice to go out for a meal. But some men find that to intimate… Like being inside someone isn’t intimate enough, making conversation with you across the table will just be too much.

Now all of these reasons listed above are nothing for you to worry about. If you meet someone and they don’t like the way you act or dress or whatever, then tough nuts. That is their problem not yours. 

I personally think you can be beautiful, cook, clean, be a ‘bad bitch’ in the bedroom and still not get taken seriously. The phrase ‘wifey material’ is bull. Be you and and someone will come along and like it enough to want to take you to Disneyland Paris. (Yes I would love that!)

I just keep telling myself that one day someone will come along and accept me in all my finery, including my flaws. Isn’t that the whole point of love or whatever? For the person to accept you. 

This isn’t a post to tell you how to become wifey material or to get a man. If you thought that was what it was going to be, then sorry hun, you on the wrong blog. I am way too young, inexperienced and single to be giving women advice on how to get a man. 😂 I AM SINGLE AF! SEND HELP!

The point of all this is, if a guy doesn’t want to take you seriously, say sayounara to him sister. No one is worth you stressing over. Remember that you are in control of what happens in your life. My friend and I actually decided to take ourselves out. We work, we make our own money and we enjoys our own or each others company, so it works out. “Imma take myself to nandos and stroke my own damn thigh.” 😂

So as you can tell I’ve been quite good throughout and not made this a personal attack on men. I do know that there are men out there that like to treat their lady. Good for you and especially good for her. But I am talking about a specific type of manbaby in this post. If you offended then I got news for you… *whispers* “you a little baby.”

Ladies until next time. 

Stay blessed.

Marriage or casual sex?

Here we go again. I am back and ready to commit… To my blog that is. 

Let’s jump straight into it.  This has been a topic that I’ve been coming across a lot lately. And I’ve been asking myself… Am I a marriage person or a causal sex person? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with one man or do I want multiple lovers from across the globe?

Hmmmm… Both sound kinda good.

But for real, I’m freaking out. I don’t know what I want. Like…. Men are nice and all, but I’m still waiting to meet someone that I REALLY CONNECT WITH. I MEAN CONNECT WITH FULLY, LIKE 100%. I wanna be with someone that I can connect with emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and all of that good stuff. And unfortunately people now a days are just too guarded and messed up to even want to open up like that. 

Millennial dating is way to complicated. We don’t trust each other, we don’t have the time, we can’t be bothered, we are selfish, we have crazy unrealistic expectations, Tinder exists. So trying to find someone and actually have a healthy relationship is hard and really rare.

Don’t get me wrong, its easy to meet someone you like, someone that you vibe with, someone who is nice. But at the end of the day most of us are only on 75%. You like cats, he likes cats, big deal, doesn’t mean you’re soulmates. Or maybe you guys have really good sex. Which means you are connecting 100% on a physical level, but what about everything else. Some of you couples be walking around on 5% mentally, fronting all over Instagram pretending to be happy. *kisses teeth in bajan* 

And if you are OK living like that, then by all means go on and be “happy”. But I don’t want to do that, I mean I can and I have. But I want 100% from myself and my partner. 

Until then, Imma keep my amazing ass single. So that leaves me with the option of either being celibate or having casual sex. So… Celibate?? Whats that?? (We can talk about that at another time) 😂😂😂 

OK so maybe I should just hook up with random guys then? Just sex. And I mean just SEX. No feelings or anything like that…

Problem is sometimes your not in control of your emotions. Casual sex/dating can lead to more problems as well. You think it would be easy, but it can be just as stressful. One person might catch feelings and now its awkward. Like what do you do after that?? Just awkwardly delete their number or nah…

Its all good and easy saying you’re down to just have sex, but when he doesn’t wanna cuddle, you gon be feeling some type of way. All I’m saying is make sure you’re actually emotionally stable for that type of life. I always think I’m cool with it, but then if I don’t get a ‘Good Morning beautiful’ text, I’m all disappointed and whiny.

Unfortunately the casual sex life isn’t really for me either. I mean having sex is fun, thats why millions of people around the world do it. But hooking up with guys doesn’t bring me joy, it doesn’t bring me happiness, it doesn’t make me feel better as a person. All it does is allows me to briefly feel the comforts of a relationship and require some sort of male attention. And at of the end of the day, thats all I want… Male attention.  And that’s certainly what a man can give you. But…

… you have to be careful. This type of attention can be damaging to you. If all your getting is a good dick down every week, from a guy who doesn’t even know your last name, then it can leave you feeling really drained. Trust me… You need to figure out what you really want. 

I personally, would love to be in a relationship. As I said earlier, but a proper one, one that is healthy and beneficial to both parties. But life isnt that easy. So all I have to do now is get to know people. Date and talk and see what they’re really about. 

And you should do the same my dear. If you’re reading this and having the same dilemma, then that is my advice. Take your time, get to know the guy. Sex is always an option, do it if you want. But just remember that just because a man gives you attention, doesn’t mean he’s worthy of yours. You don’t have to entertain every man that acknowledges you. *I tell myself this everyday.* As much ad I love our brothers, some of them are posion. And I’m not going to go round, trying to change them all. That’s too much stress on my soul. 😂😂

If you’re sitting there, reading this, thinking its not that deep. Then congratulations!!!! Go out and run free in the wild. I envy you. 

Anyways, let me know what you think. Are you a marriage or casual sex type of person. 

Until next time, stay blessed Queens 👑👑

What to do when daddy starts acting a little too ‘Daddyish’

Let us commence with this meeting and jump straight into it. What to do when daddy starts acting a little too ‘Daddyish’. Well, what do I mean by this?

When daddy (your man)

starts acting a little too (by little I mean to damn much)

‘daddyish’ (Father like antics: I put this word in quotation marks, cause it’s not a word. Even though the term on Twitter has blown up as a hashtag)

Try to concentrate because I know the word daddy brings to mind this…

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Calm down 😏😏😏

But I really mean this…

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So now that you’ve got the idea, let’s talk about controlling men or men with daddy like qualities.

What’s with them? Controlling men are like literally the worst type of man. (There are so many different types of man that get under my skin, but I’m just being dramatic.) Now we all like a man who takes control. Which confuses some men. But baby, there is a difference between taking control and being controlling. Women like confidence, but we do not need to be told how to walk and talk and eat. And sometimes us women don’t see a controlling man when we have one, we can mistake it for confidence. Some of us think it’s sexy. We are not children. Some men will tell you how to dress, what to eat, when to sleep, when to breathe and blink. What next? You going to teach me how to wipe myself in the toliet? 

So what makes a controlling man?

  • He wants to know where you are every second of the day and exactly what you’re doing: Now don’t get me wrong, letting your partner know what your up to is fine, but there is a limit. Wanting an update every 5 minutes is annoying. If I say I’m with friends, THEN I’M WITH FRIENDS AND I WILL CALL YOU LATER. Trust me and trust that I’m not out cheating or something like that.
  • He pushes his ideologies/beliefs on you: Now this one makes my blood boil. Let me break it down for you, because I know I have a couple of brothers on here that read this. Your chilling, you turn around and see a beautiful woman, you approach her, get her number, go on a couple of dates. She is a real nice girl. But there’s one problem. She wears makeup. Now this is what I don’t like… When the man all of a sudden starts telling her she shouldn’t wear makeup. 😠😠😠😠 And I’m not a big fan of it myself, but you can’t go trying to change her. Why did you talk to her in the first place? You saw all of that highlight and contour up on her face from the first day. Why didn’t you talk to the girl with the bare face? There are plenty of fish in the sea daddy o. Do you see what I mean? And it can be deeper that just makeup. It can go into religion, diet, money all of it. Why are you a Muslim man  chatting to a atheist girl, knowing damn well she’s an atheist, then getting mad when she reaches for a ham sandwich? Go find a nice Halal sister.(because you want your wife and children have the same religious beliefs as you.) This is the woman who will raise your children. Take it seriously. So the very fact that your talking to her means your not looking for anything serious. Which is haram in thr first place and straight up disrespectful. So why do they still do it? You know why? Because some people want their cake and eat it too. They like the look of you, physically. They are sexually attracted to you, but when it comes down to something serious they all mad about s**t. The amount of brothers that approach me and then say I would look better with straight hair. Mate, you would look better with a straight job and a straight house and some straight five figures in that dry up account of yours. Let me calm down. 😂😂Maybe he doesn’t eat meat and you like dem spicy wings. Don’t let him change you. If you decide to do anything in life, make sure it’s your decision.  But I hope you understand me, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t go for someone who clearly is completly different to you. Life is too short to be wasting time trying to change someone or change for someone. Maybe I looking at this all wrong, but hey. I don’t know bout you ladies, but I DO NOT LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO. LET ME REPEAT. I DO NOT LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO.

  • He corrects everything you do: Like your a baby that needs to be told what to do or is doing something wrong.
  • He constantly puts you down: And bigs himself up, like your both in some sort of a competition.
  • Your spending less time with family and friends: Of course someone new in your life means there is going to be less time for the other people. But don’t forget about your loved ones. Being single has made me realise how much time I wasn’t spending with my mother and my grandparents. It made me realise how I didn’t actually have any friends. So I made some. I go out so much more now. I spend time with myself, learning and thinking. I even started this blog, because I was able to focus on myself. Just don’t let a man take all that away from you. Learn to balance him with the rest of your life and if he doesn’t like it well… You know what type of demon your working with.

So what do you do if daddy is acting a little too ‘daddyish’. 

Talk to him. Tell him how he’s making you feel and that you don’t like it. He might not know that he’s being a crazy cunt. 

And if that doesn’t work.

End it. 

Simple as. You deserve to be happy and if someone in your life isn’t making you happy, you gotta cut them off. ✂✂ 

So I hope that little rant helped some of you. Let me know if you agree or disagree with anything stated. I don’t mind, I’m all about making conversation.

Until next time,

Stay blessed Queens.👑👑👑

What’s your problem with the black man?

Now the word black is something that already strikes fear into the hearts of people. And the word man doesn’t exactly bring joy either. HA, sorry . But put both of those words together and you create society’s ultimate fear. Or it could be a complete turn on for some of us. Let me stop, the point is… ‘The Black Man’ is a topic that I keep finding myself talking about lately. Whether its’s in the news, with them being shot down in the street or chatting with friends about how they “ain’t shit”.  I don’t hear anything positive about our Kings, not from the media, not from black women, not even from myself.

So what’s your problem with the black man?

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Well I can tell you what my problem was…

So let’s start from the beginning. From the beginning, I mean, the start of my life and the history of black men in it. Well, it wasn’t a very good start. The demon most would call my father, did not do very much fathering when I was a child. So I grew up in a household full of amazingly strong black women. My mother, my grandmother, all my aunties and even my cousins. Which sounds amazing, but that means I also grew up with very little male influence in my life.(Apart from my grandfather) I always thought that this was fine, that you don’t really need a father to grow up and live a good life. Which is true to a certain point. I have lived a good life, all of my family, especially my grandparents, jumped in to help raise me and support my mother. But, we’re left with one thing… ‘Daddy Issues’.

This is something I never thought existed until I got older, until recently. So long story short, daddy issues effects little girls who grew up without a father. (not all, but some) They have this need to be loved and accepted by a man. It simply stems back to them not getting any male attention as a child. Now your 21 and any man that shows you any type of interest is an instant husband. (in your mind)

So that’s number one. My father was the first black man in my life to let me down. But we’re not done. Oh no, there is more. So fast forward 16+ years and I meet my ex. WHO IS NOT BLACK. I REPEAT HE IS NOT BLACK. The little topic of interracial relationships is something I will address in another post, but for now bear in mind that my ex is Asian. And for almost 4 years, I considered myself to be happy with him, as I cussed black men for being too dark and having nappy hair. Crazy to think, right? I remember thinking that I would never date a black man, that dark skin guys were ugly and that all black men were a waste of space anyway. Which is really really sad, because no one ever taught me that. My mother never cussed my father, I never was never DIRECTLY told to not like black men. It was just something that formed. (I’m going to talk about how the media formed these ideas later)

…. actually hold up…..

  • Growing up and your parents told you not to date Nigerian or Jamaican men.
  • “Make sure you marry a man with good hair, so you don’t have to struggle with your kids.”
  • “No dark skin guys, cause the babies need to be pretty.”

OMG. I just realised these were all things I was told by the female members of my family as a child. WOW that is sad. Little do my aunties know that dark skin West African guys are life. 😉

So we are being force feed this from a very early age. And all this nonsense stems right back to slavery and the good ole ‘plantation mentality’ (The mentality left behind after slavery, lots of black people have it)

Anyway, guessing from the term ex, you already know things did not work out. So now we’ve reached the part where I’m single and ready to mingle. And literally every man I have met or went on a date since then has been black. And guess what…… drum-roll please. Every single one of those men have disappointed me in some way. Because of my so called ‘Daddy Issues’ I jumped right into the burning pit we all know as fuckboy land. Big mistake. Now we’re at 21 years later in and every man I have ever encountered, black or not, has let me down. So you can my animosity towards the male sex and in particular towards black men. This actually has nothing to do with black men, but the type of men that I am attracting. BUT… all is not lost. I took someones advise and have started emitting the type of energy I want to receive. I’ve started socialising with like minded people. I’ve even made friends with some members of the male sex… lol which is possible. (and is up for debate)

So before I get ripped apart by the internet and the whole of black twitter. Black men are the most magical creatures on earth, I can bear witness to that. This whole, “niggas ain’t shit”, is silly. (even though we use this phrase as banter sometimes) Until recently,  I have yet to really see how amazing black men are. It’s a shame that  some girls are growing up thinking black men are not for them. And actually, some young boys growing up thinking the same about black women. It works both ways.

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So before I end this, I want to talk about the media’s role in the portrayal of the black man. The media, as we know is a scary, dark and misleading place. And that’s just for white people. So when it comes to black men the media can really rip into them. It’s in everything, film, music, advertisement. Everywhere we look the black male is portrayed in such a negative way. From gangsters, to deadbeat dads, unfaithful husbands and miserable old men. There is no real accurate representation of our men in the media. Don’t get me wrong all of those types of men exist, but there is so much more to us. We are artists, lovers, filmmakers, dancers, healers, inventors and everything else under the sun. But yet this isn’t shown enough.

The media plays a big role in our lives, whether we recognise it or not. So if it’s not portraying us right, paired with the fact that we are poorly educated, what we get is a nation of black people not liking themselves and not liking each other. People have a problem with black men and don’t even know it. (or maybe they do)

Let me know if you get what I’m saying in the comments below. I feel like I get what I’m saying, in my head, but reading it is another story all together. Nate Parker’s opinions on this are pretty interesting… have a look.

 

I simply wanted to write this post, because I’ve been hearing a lot of negative things about our brothers lately. (more than usual) And when I hear that hate come from black women it makes me sad, because I can relate.  But don’t worry guys, we haven’t abandoned you, we are here for you. But are you here for us? I will save that question for another post.

Till next time. Love, peace and blessings to our Kings.

Stay Blessed Queens.

Why Queens need to stop sleeping with dickheads.

So I was reading this article that popped up on my Facebook, by Alana Lousie May. Tilted ‘My era of sleeping with dickheads is over’. Which made me laugh because we’ve all said that more than once. 😉 It’s worth going and reading her original article before you read this, so you have some background knowledge on the topic.

http://alanalouisemay.com/blog/2015/4/15/the-era-of-sleeping-with-dickheads-is-over

As you know I am currently reading Queen Afua’s ‘Sacred Woman’. I know, I said that like five months ago, and I’m still reading it. Procrastination is real people!! Anyway, Queen Afua speaks about the need for women to just stop having sex for a while and take the time to get in touch with themselves. Yes abstinence, that word sends shivers down my spine. 😉 Sometimes you just gotta give that pum pum a break. Sex, amongst other things, can be a distraction from life. (which it shouldn’t be) Especially if you’re having sex with no meaningful connection. See, now we’re getting into debate territory. Some of you will say, ” You don’t need a meaningful connection to f***k someone.” Lol yes, true, the simple act pulling your knickers down is quite easy. I’ve seen some people do it in the side alley of clubs. :0 Like I’m pretty sure they didn’t even know each others name. OK, maybe sleeping with a dickhead doesn’t have to be that extreme. Let me make this more relatable and let me know if you’ve been there.

So you meet this guy, on tinder, through friends, at a club, at Uni…. blah blah blah. You exchange numbers, he seems nice, you start talking. He may or may not have taken you out, then somehow you end up at his house. One thing leads to another and next thing you know, hes dropping you to the train station in the morning. (or maybe you just did the walk of shame to the bus stop.) Wow, that went quickly right? Some of us only do this once and then there’s some of us that play that scene out on repeat for a lifetime. Now I’m not against casual sex, some women and men can live their whole life and be happy doing that. All I’m saying is that it’s not for me. Now hear me out.

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Click here to see more on Sacred Woman

 

“Be wise when you enter a sacred union (sex/marriage) for when you make love with your man, you become all of who he is.”

Queen Afua here, is basically saying that the man you decide to be with, has a profound influence on you. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. So if your man is not healthy, him being inside you is going to make you unhealthy. If your man is unhappy, depressed, negative, he will drag your spirit down too. Simple right? Even though I never thought about it like that. But this rule applies to everyone, not just lovers. If people are a source of negativity, CUT THEM OFF AND CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You better believe if I’m talking to a guy and he comes with that f**kboy negativity, he will find himself blocked and erased from my memory. So if your constantly dealing with the stress of a man that does not deserve your time, then that’s simply not good. You shouldn’t be putting your time, energy and vagina into someone and getting nothing but a little dick with a huge attitude in return. (I’m getting petty, let me stop)

Now don’t take this as a post that was created to judge you or tell you what to do. I’m just giving my opinion. I want you to take this as a post that was created to make you think. Sex is fun, I know, that is why we all do it. But from now on I’m going to consciously take the effort when talking to a guy. I am going to take my time and not rush into things. Before I find myself in the whole ‘Netflix and Chill’ situation, I will stop and think if I’m going to regret this in a week. Because honestly, I do end up regretting most things that I do. Waking up the next day, looking like an absolute mess and he’s just there like, “So… I kind of have somewhere to be.” Now you feel horrible and it’s awkward. I personally do not like that feeling. After having a good night with someone and then they switch up their whole act. It makes you feel worthless. I don’t know about you, but feeling like s**t is not fun. Queens are not supposed to feel worthless.

I can’t remember the comedian’s name but he said… “If you get to 25 and you’re still saying n***gas ain’t shit, then you’re looking at the wrong guys.” So when I say Queens need to stop sleeping with dickheads, I’m not saying to stop having sex. (You can do the whole abstinence thing if you want) I’m saying stop giving yourselves to men that do not DESERVE you. The other day this guy asked me why I’m single and I said, because ‘I haven’t met anyone that DESERVES ME.’ He probably thought I was a bitch, but that’s how it goes from now on. Me 1st, sorry.

So there you have it. This one is going to be short and sweet, because there is really no need for me to go on ranting. I guess you should do what makes you happy, all I can do is urge my fellow sisters to take the time to find themselves.

Agree or disagree with what I said? Got any advice for a young black girl out here? Completely hate my guts? Let me all know in the comments below. Thank you ladies.

Stay blessed Queens.

Why I’m Single

So for the black love segment, I’d thought start with the whole being black and single thing. I will do another post in the segment about how being black effects you in the dating scene. But this is about my personal experience with dating and the reasons why I am single.

Being 20 is a time, where your at that awkward age. I don’t really feel like a grown adult, but I don’t necessarily consider myself to still be a child. (that can be up for argument ha) And dating at my age, is well, awkward. Having to go through the whole, “Hi, my name is Aldaira.” And then them going, “Aldedlefmewnikdow3mdidiefmewi32=dkmcwra?? That’s a funny name, where are you from.?” I bet your like, wow give the guy a chance, he’s just making conversation. Yes, I know that, the point I’m making is everything is the same with every guy. Same conversation, same situation, same end result. I never get excited anymore, when talking to a guy, no matter how amazingly good looking he is.  I talk to guys, then get bored and we both end up not texting each other. (FYI, before anyone comments, saying I should give guys a chance. I DO.)

Why do I get bored, you ask? People have no depth to them, I’m not going to say men, because us girls are just as bad. (Which is why we need to work on the whole Queen thing, I was talking about.)

Depth means there is more to you, than the fact that you play fifi and like watching Love and Hip Hop. (No shade, you do you boo.) I find that things tend to stay at that level, instead becoming more meaningful, more emotional. I’m too deep for most guys. Guys want to be deep inside me, instead of deep inside my thoughts. I want to talk about the world, I want to talk about our aspirations and goals. I want to debate, I want to disagree and agree. I want to reminisce, talk about the times when we were little. I want laugh and cry. I want to be myself, my true self around this guy. I want to travel. I want us to exchange knowledge. I want us to improve each other, without having to change our very essence.

See what I mean by deep?

*the not so deep version* A guy who can cook or buy me food all the time would be good too. 😉

The guys I have met just don’t have any interest in any of this, or at least don’t with me. They just want you do come to their house and “Chill.” *insert black girl attitude face* So I thought, maybe it’s the type of guys I’m talking to. But I don’t now, I’ve been on dates with hood guys, artsy guys, ‘educated’ guys, nerdy guys and it’s all the same. I’ve even gone on dates with guys, who are older than me to see if it’s a immature 20 year old thing. Nope, all the same. Do I look like the type of girl that wants to just ‘Chill’? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with ‘chilling’, but I actually want to get to know the person. I don’t just want to go to your mum’s house and have you feeling up on me, while you play Xbox. Let me stop, I’m starting to sound like a stuck up bitch. But you get what I mean?

blacl-love

Plus I have social anxiety, me dating a guy is too hilarious. I’m there all sweating and worrying about how I look. I’m quiet and awkward, I have a little bit of attitude (Cause that’s actually me flirting.) So by the end of the night, he’s thinking wow maybe this girl doesn’t like me. Which isn’t the case. I’m just so nervous, meaning I probably said something stupid like, ” Oh you eat with a rice fork, my ex used to do that.”(Yes I know, what the hell.) *face palm*Or I probably spit my food all over the table laughing. Then we get into a whole week later and I still haven’t got a text, I get mad and the whole “N***as ain’t S**t”thing is created. And this is the cycle I have been going through for the past year.

So is it me? Or is it the whole male sex?

I’m going to say neither. I just think I have yet to meet someone who vibrates on my level. My ex and all those horribly wrong dates, were just not the one for me. I mean, this isn’t Disney, so let’s keep it realistic, but I have hope. One day, when I sort myself out and I will meet someone and be happy. (Like a more realistic version of Disney’s happily ever after.) I don’t want to be the single bitter friend at my girl’s wedding in a few years, drunk at the table, talking about how men ain’t nothing. And it’s not all men’s fault, us ladies need to work on ourselves as well, in order to find a King.

So why am I single?

The universe is waiting for me to build, learn, find myself and become a Queen. Then I will be able to find someone who accepts me and I accept him. 1+1= 2 right? Well, I need to become one with myself first. (see what I did there)  I am still really young. Let’s do a update, when I’m 30.

So what do you think ladies? Are you in a relationship? Are you single? Why? Any advice or a young black girl out here? Let me know in the comments below.

Stay Blessed Queens.