What’s your problem with the black man?

Now the word black is something that already strikes fear into the hearts of people. And the word man doesn’t exactly bring joy either. HA, sorry . But put both of those words together and you create society’s ultimate fear. Or it could be a complete turn on for some of us. Let me stop, the point is… ‘The Black Man’ is a topic that I keep finding myself talking about lately. Whether its’s in the news, with them being shot down in the street or chatting with friends about how they “ain’t shit”.  I don’t hear anything positive about our Kings, not from the media, not from black women, not even from myself.

So what’s your problem with the black man?


Well I can tell you what my problem was…

So let’s start from the beginning. From the beginning, I mean, the start of my life and the history of black men in it. Well, it wasn’t a very good start. The demon most would call my father, did not do very much fathering when I was a child. So I grew up in a household full of amazingly strong black women. My mother, my grandmother, all my aunties and even my cousins. Which sounds amazing, but that means I also grew up with very little male influence in my life.(Apart from my grandfather) I always thought that this was fine, that you don’t really need a father to grow up and live a good life. Which is true to a certain point. I have lived a good life, all of my family, especially my grandparents, jumped in to help raise me and support my mother. But, we’re left with one thing… ‘Daddy Issues’.

This is something I never thought existed until I got older, until recently. So long story short, daddy issues effects little girls who grew up without a father. (not all, but some) They have this need to be loved and accepted by a man. It simply stems back to them not getting any male attention as a child. Now your 21 and any man that shows you any type of interest is an instant husband. (in your mind)

So that’s number one. My father was the first black man in my life to let me down. But we’re not done. Oh no, there is more. So fast forward 16+ years and I meet my ex. WHO IS NOT BLACK. I REPEAT HE IS NOT BLACK. The little topic of interracial relationships is something I will address in another post, but for now bear in mind that my ex is Asian. And for almost 4 years, I considered myself to be happy with him, as I cussed black men for being too dark and having nappy hair. Crazy to think, right? I remember thinking that I would never date a black man, that dark skin guys were ugly and that all black men were a waste of space anyway. Which is really really sad, because no one ever taught me that. My mother never cussed my father, I never was never DIRECTLY told to not like black men. It was just something that formed. (I’m going to talk about how the media formed these ideas later)

…. actually hold up…..

  • Growing up and your parents told you not to date Nigerian or Jamaican men.
  • “Make sure you marry a man with good hair, so you don’t have to struggle with your kids.”
  • “No dark skin guys, cause the babies need to be pretty.”

OMG. I just realised these were all things I was told by the female members of my family as a child. WOW that is sad. Little do my aunties know that dark skin West African guys are life. 😉

So we are being force feed this from a very early age. And all this nonsense stems right back to slavery and the good ole ‘plantation mentality’ (The mentality left behind after slavery, lots of black people have it)

Anyway, guessing from the term ex, you already know things did not work out. So now we’ve reached the part where I’m single and ready to mingle. And literally every man I have met or went on a date since then has been black. And guess what…… drum-roll please. Every single one of those men have disappointed me in some way. Because of my so called ‘Daddy Issues’ I jumped right into the burning pit we all know as fuckboy land. Big mistake. Now we’re at 21 years later in and every man I have ever encountered, black or not, has let me down. So you can my animosity towards the male sex and in particular towards black men. This actually has nothing to do with black men, but the type of men that I am attracting. BUT… all is not lost. I took someones advise and have started emitting the type of energy I want to receive. I’ve started socialising with like minded people. I’ve even made friends with some members of the male sex… lol which is possible. (and is up for debate)

So before I get ripped apart by the internet and the whole of black twitter. Black men are the most magical creatures on earth, I can bear witness to that. This whole, “niggas ain’t shit”, is silly. (even though we use this phrase as banter sometimes) Until recently,  I have yet to really see how amazing black men are. It’s a shame that  some girls are growing up thinking black men are not for them. And actually, some young boys growing up thinking the same about black women. It works both ways.



So before I end this, I want to talk about the media’s role in the portrayal of the black man. The media, as we know is a scary, dark and misleading place. And that’s just for white people. So when it comes to black men the media can really rip into them. It’s in everything, film, music, advertisement. Everywhere we look the black male is portrayed in such a negative way. From gangsters, to deadbeat dads, unfaithful husbands and miserable old men. There is no real accurate representation of our men in the media. Don’t get me wrong all of those types of men exist, but there is so much more to us. We are artists, lovers, filmmakers, dancers, healers, inventors and everything else under the sun. But yet this isn’t shown enough.

The media plays a big role in our lives, whether we recognise it or not. So if it’s not portraying us right, paired with the fact that we are poorly educated, what we get is a nation of black people not liking themselves and not liking each other. People have a problem with black men and don’t even know it. (or maybe they do)

Let me know if you get what I’m saying in the comments below. I feel like I get what I’m saying, in my head, but reading it is another story all together. Nate Parker’s opinions on this are pretty interesting… have a look.


I simply wanted to write this post, because I’ve been hearing a lot of negative things about our brothers lately. (more than usual) And when I hear that hate come from black women it makes me sad, because I can relate.  But don’t worry guys, we haven’t abandoned you, we are here for you. But are you here for us? I will save that question for another post.

Till next time. Love, peace and blessings to our Kings.

Stay Blessed Queens.

4 thoughts on “What’s your problem with the black man?”

  1. Love this. I feel like I used to use the term niggas aint shit very loosely. Not because I had daddy issues–I think it was just something I formulated over time along with influences from media or hearing stories from other black women. I don’t want to give up on black men because I know that there are still good ones out there…but I will keep an eye out for a man of other race! 👀👀 Good post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Queen,

      Thanks for the comment. And yes don’t give up on our men. I’m still looking for a good one. hahaha

      Stay blessed.


      1. Love this post , such a relevant conversation ! I also share the same experience with men and relationships. I would definitely agree that there are good black men out there but it is also about energy and reciprocating exactly what you want. This is a journey I’d self-love and service especially after healing from previous relationships. I’ve got soooo many questions to ask. Thanks for the post!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve heard this term before, never really felt that it applied to me until recently. I’ve decided that I won’t allow my negative experience with one black man dictate my opinion of all black men.
    Really great post, thanks for being so candid.


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