So I was reading this article that popped up on my Facebook, by Alana Lousie May. Tilted ‘My era of sleeping with dickheads is over’. Which made me laugh because we’ve all said that more than once. 😉 It’s worth going and reading her original article before you read this, so you have some background knowledge on the topic.
As you know I am currently reading Queen Afua’s ‘Sacred Woman’. I know, I said that like five months ago, and I’m still reading it. Procrastination is real people!! Anyway, Queen Afua speaks about the need for women to just stop having sex for a while and take the time to get in touch with themselves. Yes abstinence, that word sends shivers down my spine. 😉 Sometimes you just gotta give that pum pum a break. Sex, amongst other things, can be a distraction from life. (which it shouldn’t be) Especially if you’re having sex with no meaningful connection. See, now we’re getting into debate territory. Some of you will say, ” You don’t need a meaningful connection to f***k someone.” Lol yes, true, the simple act pulling your knickers down is quite easy. I’ve seen some people do it in the side alley of clubs. :0 Like I’m pretty sure they didn’t even know each others name. OK, maybe sleeping with a dickhead doesn’t have to be that extreme. Let me make this more relatable and let me know if you’ve been there.
So you meet this guy, on tinder, through friends, at a club, at Uni…. blah blah blah. You exchange numbers, he seems nice, you start talking. He may or may not have taken you out, then somehow you end up at his house. One thing leads to another and next thing you know, hes dropping you to the train station in the morning. (or maybe you just did the walk of shame to the bus stop.) Wow, that went quickly right? Some of us only do this once and then there’s some of us that play that scene out on repeat for a lifetime. Now I’m not against casual sex, some women and men can live their whole life and be happy doing that. All I’m saying is that it’s not for me. Now hear me out.
“Be wise when you enter a sacred union (sex/marriage) for when you make love with your man, you become all of who he is.”
Queen Afua here, is basically saying that the man you decide to be with, has a profound influence on you. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. So if your man is not healthy, him being inside you is going to make you unhealthy. If your man is unhappy, depressed, negative, he will drag your spirit down too. Simple right? Even though I never thought about it like that. But this rule applies to everyone, not just lovers. If people are a source of negativity, CUT THEM OFF AND CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You better believe if I’m talking to a guy and he comes with that f**kboy negativity, he will find himself blocked and erased from my memory. So if your constantly dealing with the stress of a man that does not deserve your time, then that’s simply not good. You shouldn’t be putting your time, energy and vagina into someone and getting nothing but a little dick with a huge attitude in return. (I’m getting petty, let me stop)
Now don’t take this as a post that was created to judge you or tell you what to do. I’m just giving my opinion. I want you to take this as a post that was created to make you think. Sex is fun, I know, that is why we all do it. But from now on I’m going to consciously take the effort when talking to a guy. I am going to take my time and not rush into things. Before I find myself in the whole ‘Netflix and Chill’ situation, I will stop and think if I’m going to regret this in a week. Because honestly, I do end up regretting most things that I do. Waking up the next day, looking like an absolute mess and he’s just there like, “So… I kind of have somewhere to be.” Now you feel horrible and it’s awkward. I personally do not like that feeling. After having a good night with someone and then they switch up their whole act. It makes you feel worthless. I don’t know about you, but feeling like s**t is not fun. Queens are not supposed to feel worthless.
I can’t remember the comedian’s name but he said… “If you get to 25 and you’re still saying n***gas ain’t shit, then you’re looking at the wrong guys.” So when I say Queens need to stop sleeping with dickheads, I’m not saying to stop having sex. (You can do the whole abstinence thing if you want) I’m saying stop giving yourselves to men that do not DESERVE you. The other day this guy asked me why I’m single and I said, because ‘I haven’t met anyone that DESERVES ME.’ He probably thought I was a bitch, but that’s how it goes from now on. Me 1st, sorry.
So there you have it. This one is going to be short and sweet, because there is really no need for me to go on ranting. I guess you should do what makes you happy, all I can do is urge my fellow sisters to take the time to find themselves.
Agree or disagree with what I said? Got any advice for a young black girl out here? Completely hate my guts? Let me all know in the comments below. Thank you ladies.
Stay blessed Queens.